Reg Gupton's Top 10 tips: Stop defending

The Top 10 Steps to Stop Defending Against Your Problem

Most of us are generally comfortable with the way we are, even if we want to change small (or large) things about ourselves. We tend to stay stuck until some event triggers the need for a change. Inertia is all too powerful and prevalent.

Some of my coaching clients must have a spear in their chest that hurts like #$%^&* and is bleeding like &*!@# before they will change, even though they are paying me and have hired me to help them move forward. When they are in pain, they are motivated to make a change.

So pay attention to the following.

1. Be aware of the problem.

Awareness (and sometimes real pain) brings us to a place where we can (and will) move forward. Are you avoiding your problems? Are you in denial? Be brutally frank and honest.

2. Pause

Take three deep breaths. Is the current situation really a big deal? If it is, take action now. If not, try laughing at yourself a little. It will help.

3. Accept that you have a problem.

We all have problems. All of us. A beginning step in the change process is to acknowledge that you have a problem. Acknowledgement does not mean that you are necessarily agreeing to change the situation. With help and proper motivation, you can make any change you need to make.

4. Understand the truth about the problem.

What's really going on? Think (or talk) about the problem. My personal way to solve problems is to talk (to trusted friends and advisors) about them. Some folks need to sit and think, others need to write out the problem. What is your style?

5. Understand how severe the problem is really.

Perspective is marvelous. Often when we are in the middle of a problem we can not see the forest for the trees. We get lost in the details and fail to distinguish urgent from important. For more information on this life changing distinction, see First Things First by Stephen Covey. He has a great matrix discussing how we operate.

6. Double-check to be sure you are not over-reacting.

Most of us, if we need drama in our lives, over-react to problems. Others of us, who do not need drama, still over-react if that is what we have been doing all our lives.

7. If possible, acquire the necessary tools or skills to deal with it.

Read, listen to tapes/CDs, and attend classes to get the tools that you are lacking to solve the problem.

8. Honestly decide if you have the skills, tools, perspective and help to make it better.

If not, get the exact help that you need.

9. Move ahead to solve the problem, no matter what, with or without help.

Take action, today, to solve a small part of the problem. A small step is better than being frozen.

10. Use what you've learned to set up a mechanism to prevent repetition of the problem.

Successful people make more mistakes than the rest of us. They just don't make the same mistake more than once. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.

To your continued success,

Reg Gupton